9 Months Later (yada yada yada)

One can say many things about being a mom of two and why this blog has been so deprived...but I prefer to just yada yada yada this.....as here we are.

Grace is almost 11 Months, Luella is 3.

 (photos charlablue)

Grace is the Queen Baby Stinker Bottom.
Luella is the Princess.
Papa is the Queen Papa Stinker Bottom of the Whole World.
Mom is mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom.......

Luella loves her princesses, goes to preschool, and pees in a pull up.

Grace laughs a lot, screams at you if you leave the room, and is afraid to walk.

Papa is tired.

Mom lost her brain somewhere and if you find it please return.

Luella's newest quotes involve drastic measures....everything thing is either "forever" or "never ever again." She lets me know what are good choices and which are bad. Mostly mine and papa's. She is am emotional  roller coaster of fantastic to frazzled. Her fuse is short, her wit is beyond her years, and she can anticipate everyones actions, so beware, this could lead to more "forevers" or "nevers." This is like a preschool letter of recommendation. She can ride you bike on her own. She wants to be perfect. She must be understood. She loves to draw. She loves candy. She like disneyland. She is brave. SHe always wants to try again. She She gives me a run for my money, yet among all the chaos we connect in this strange, strange way but we connect. She loves her sister, sometime a little too much. She want to be in charge of her and wished she was just a little bit older so she could thrower her on her hip and be on her way.

Grace is an coordinated and thoughtful little girl. She loves her sami (paci), calls me mom, aaron pa pa sometimes), if she you won't gift her wants she wants she growls, throws her head back to only only quickly reverse the action and burry a scrunched up face into her chest. She called Luella Nu Nu, yesterday and if you have something she wants she will tell you Ni. She has 3 1/2 teeth, yes a 1/2, there is a stubborn on in there. She eats people food and started crawling at some point. See thinks she is super cool, she thinks she is 5, she thinks she has the right anything she wants. She is calm, content and could people watch for hours. She hates nursing during the day but love to during the night. She only wants to sleep cuddled next to mom, although she shares a room with her sister at the beginning of the night foe about 2 hours. She loves bananas. She gets irritated when Lu get in her grill and mad when luella doesn't allow to get up in Lu's space. To stops for cuddle breaks, with me, the floor, her blanket, her high chair tray, pretty much anything. She checking in with herself and quickly reflecting on life and she is on her way. She has a raspberry on her belly. She can find her head. She will give you knuckles. She laughs easily. Her temper is short. She smile is big.

Happy Birthday Megan {Armstrong Flower Fields}

On March 27th we surprised Auntie Megan at work with a birthday present, then headed to lunch and the Armstrong Flower Fields. 

 Luella's classic..."it will be otay" hand, usually when she is doing something she shouldn't be doing!

 Panning for gold and special gems.

 Happy birthday Auntie Meg... you ROCK!

Luella was mostly entertained by playing the drainage system for the flower field.

iPhone {Photo Dump}

Figuring It Out {TWO}

Graces is now two-months olds and maternity Leave is weird...I definitely don't want to be at work, but this stay at home mom gig (even part time) is hard, but also fun, exhausting, amazing, and challenging. If you know me I am up for a good challenge, but not when it means you have six week old with a respiratory infection. A respiratory invention means potentially no breathing, which means potentially death. Grace got RSV and it was a mental challenge that I was not prepared for (I don't know who is) and although she didn't even come remotely close, the death of a child is the moment when your realize these children are not mine but Gods. See, this virus can kill newborns, and I have only heard scary stories from friend about this it. In fact my friend's daughter's prayer for Grace was, "Please don't let baby Grace die like I almost did?" In the midst of holding Grace for over 50 hours straight, I cried, I smiled at Luella, I pulled it together and tried to relax. Luella was amazing, especially since she is such an emotional creature, with being tough for the "famoly" (Lu's pronunciation). Maybe she realizes only one of us should melt at a time...ha!

(Sad sick baby eyes)

We got through it, Grace is a strong baby. In fact she rocks. I have been hesitant to say anything is fear of jinxing something, which I don't really think is possible, but just is case it is, I withheld. But here goes. She is a dream. She is the most content human being I have ever met. She smiles a lot, loves to sing, absorbs her world, peacefully drifts off into slumber and repeats. 

She makes it super easy to continue to do fun things with Luella. And although, I haven't quite figured out how to cook, clean and shower daily, we did attempt to go to Disneyland, just the three of us. Luella is not much of a ride person, in fact, she asked to go home while we were on Small World. This trip I found out she would rather just people watch. So we decided to do this, while having a unicorn lollipop, and for $1.95 it is the best deal in the park. This is pretty much, my favorite memory of Disneyland...candy!

 (Grace under the blanket, only documentation of her first trip to the big park...Luella's pre-Ride face - already not too sure...we ended the day with tacos)

We go to the park a lot. We can can walk there and are fortunate enough to live across the street form a 1 1/2 mile stretched of "green" with baseball fields, duck ponds and lots and lots of trees.

We have just discovered the joy of the Library...also in the park! Lulu is a proud library card holder.

 (Giving me the "Don't take my picture mom" hand")

Finally, we have been dabbling in the arts too!

(She would rather paint herself, more often then the paper...Look at those feet and hands,just like her Papa's!)

I do love having two girls. I do believe they will be very different creatures. I do believe they will love each other. I do believe they will be determined and passionate. And if not, I do believe I will take on the challenge to show them how. Bring it world, the Volkoff girls have arrived.

Friday {Photo Phone Dump}

Grace Erin Volkoff (The Little One}

Check out more photos of Grace's newborn shoot by Charla Blue here. 

Here are some of my favorites...

I am so excited to see who you will become my little one.

This Magic Moment {Becoming a Sister}

I love my crazy 2 year. The past 5 months have been (insert so many different emotions here). It's moments like these that make everything right inside. She dressed herself like a tourist and we went driving in the car (red ottoman) to go shopping.

Luella is a passionate two year with a lot of rules, the best memory, a mind for learning, a vocabulary that is delivered liked a teenager, and the most thoughtful heart. Luella is a lot like her mama, she (we) need control. This works to our advantage until we have different ideas of the end result of any given situation like bed time, nap time, what's for lunch, where water goes, who's having the time out, if we are going to be inside or outside, going to the ice cream store, having sour candy, eating popsicles, who is suppose to be talking, where to look, how fast to run, how high to jump, what mountain to climb, pretty much every nuance of everyday life. At times we are like 2 junior high girls fighting...yes, I must say she brings out the best in me. But she does...the minute she says snuggle with me mom, is that better, what are you talking about, love you too mom, would you like cream in your coffee, what would you like to order, mom play with me, mom are your owies better, and baby grace is so cute she is laughing at me; and although it drives me crazy when she does this but she gets so close to Grace's face and smashes her crazy hair in the baby's eyes, because she just has to, because she loves her so much.

This brings me to love, which leads me to motherhood and then to sisterhood. Love is a weird thing. Loving two girls is so easy and so hard at the same. Mothering one child is physically hard, mother two children is emotionally hard. Luella had an intense instant love for Grace the first time she saw her, but I also felt like a little bit of her heart broke knowing it would never be just the two of us anymore. But she is tough, she put a smile on her face and did what she knows been, help. She put on the doctors gloves because she was going to make everything better.

Now I am sure these are all my emotions but I can feel it in Lu too. She misses me, but I so much miss her. I often have these strange feelings that I am cheating on Luella with Grace. I know it will never be the same for both of us and I know that it will be better then it could have been but for now it is hard. Luella is no longer the baby, in fact she is barely a toddler anymore, she has transformed in to truly a big girl...and boy does she love her sister. There is a strange calmness about the two of them when they touch and has been that way since the first time Grace sat on Luella's lap. They will unconditionally love each other forever. It is for this magic moment that I knew it would all be right, not easy, but right.

Luella 28 months, Grace 3 weeks

February {Photo Phone Dump}

LuLu {writes LuLu}

An Induction Story {Grace}

Induction - a rite of passage

Grace’s labor and delivery story, is a story of induction; it is a representation of me, my thoughts, and my gut. My instincts always prevail, whether I like them too or not.

I have never been a fan of induction. In fact I said I would never do it unless medically necessary. All stories of induction sound painful, labored (pun!), and usually end up with an epideral and/or c-sections. All things I did not want part of any labor of mine. Well, ok, the pain, I know there is no “pain free” labor, and ironically drugs scare me more than the pain. But induced pain, to create “contractions on crack” was not something I thought I would ever sign up for…but I did.

Induction Part I:

My due date was January 6th. I was right on-time with Luella and thought I would for sure deliver early with Grace. I went to the doctors the day before my due date and my Dr. suggested induction for the next day. He thought it was a great idea and going against all that I believe I decided to do it. It seemed good. I knew Luella could be at daycare, Megan was already at our house to help out and it was still Christmas break so my friends Charla and Becky would not have to take off any work to be at the birth.

So induction it was 5am on January 6th. That morning all seemed very surreal. We checked in, got to the room and I started to get hooked up. First off, I hated the room we were in…small, dark, not comforting. Second the nurse asked why I was inducing, the only answer I cold come up with was “I don’t know”…this was a little bit awkward. Then the real fun began. I was hooked up to monitors and IV was in and the next thing I knew, I was waking up to about 8 nurses in my room staring down at me. I looked at my arms, I was the most disgusting color of grey, that color of gray that only belonged on dead people…but I wasn’t dead. I passed out. I had come into this day uneasy and my nerves were getting the best of me and so was my hunger. I was starving. The nurses didn’t quite know what to do with me, and I am sure wanted me to turn the normal color of human, so they let me have some apple juice and water. Ok, I was feeling better. My nurse called the doctor; he wasn’t too worried about me passing out. He chalked it up to be a vasovagal response and said to proceed. This meant it was time for pitocin. Aaron
asked a few questions about the artificial hormone and how it worked. The nurse explained I would experience cramping and increased contraction and as she was getting the IV ready. At that moment I started feeling very sick again, only to start puking. Great, now I was for sure going to be cut off from the apple juice (not to mention the crackers that Aaron was sneaking me). It was in that moment, I knew this wasn’t right. I looked at the nurse and asked, “Am I allowed to go home?” She told me the doctor would be here too soon and we could talk to him. As I waited for the doctor, I started feeling so much better because no matter what he told me, I was going home. I knew this
wasn’t the day to have a baby and Aaron agreed. So did my Doctor, he called it a dry run and we were on our way…

…to go have breakfast at Schooner or Later. We made phone calls and Facebook updates that baby Grace was not coming that day and we were going to let her come out on her own. I confirmed my decisions with a delicious, much needed, breakfast with friends and family and all that kept going through my mind was, Luella came on her own just fine, fast labor, no drugs, so why wouldn’t Grace...

This leads me to Induction Part II:

So why wouldn’t Grace…why? We waited and waited and nothing. We started to try all the wife’s tales, which I never believed in, but thought it couldn’t hurt. Right? I even ate “the salad” in LA. Searching the Internet for any natural inducing solution I came across this blog. If I was a good writer, I would want to write like this…this woman captured my feelings exactly. Be not to my surprise, nothing was working. Therefore, I had to leave it up to the power of Facebook prayer and wait for my induction date set for exactly 42 weeks, two weeks later then my first attempt. My patience and prayer paid off. On Thursday night, the night before the induction, I started having contractions, nothing consistent enough to send me to the hospital, but enough to know the induction would have some natural help! This I was excited for because I knew then I could do it.

It was 6am, January 20th, Friday morning when we got the hospital. The nurse that checked us in said we looked familiar… “Yes, we were here two weeks ago…I was the one that passed out.” She looked at me, smirked, remembered, and then gave a knowing nod…we were back. She led us into the room. This room was where I gave birth to Luella. There was something calming about having the same birthing room. It was familiar, it was big, and it had great memories...already a good start. We got settled, Charla and Becky arrived and I got hooked up. The contractions I was having the night before were still not strong enough to call real labor, so the induction was still on. I got all hooked up. I made sure to verbalize any stress I was having, I did not want myself to get the best of me and have the same psychosomatic symptoms as before. Finally by 8am they started the first round of pit. The contractions increased but were not bad. The Doctor arrived at 9am, she (different dr. then above, same office) said she was ready to break my water. I was surprise so soon, but also happy. The nurse warned me that the contractions were going to be more intense after that…she wasn’t joking. From 9 to 10 am I pretty much had one contraction that never let up. I stressed I needed rest, that it was too much. I was sweaty and strangely pulling my wet bangs out of my face so compulsively I was annoying myself by this repetitive action but couldn’t stop. Becky suggested we call the nurse to see where I was at and make a decision at that point if drugs would be in my future. The nurse came in…I was at 9cm and ready to push. I thought YES, NO DRUGS, and then I thought, really I can push already, REALLY!!! Becky reminded the nurses to call the doctor, as she missed Luella’s birth by 1 minute and she did not want to miss this one. It was time to push and I did. I also growled and grunted like some primal female beast that was, well, that was giving birth. I surprised myself and everyone else in the room by my intensity, but it was the only natural thing to do to get this baby out.

 Two pushes later, and the doctor reaching in pulling out her stuck shoulders she was out.

Everyone in the room had tears of joy. I had no tears, but was beyond ecstatic; I mean it was an hour. One hour, yes!...All that ran through my head as I clutched my new little one was, I did it, it was fast, I was done and she was beautiful. Well, you know, beautiful in that new, blue, wow really blue, wrinkly, swollen, slimy, puffy faced, looking way. But she was mine and I loved her.

We came to find out later why she was extra blue. So blue that the nurses nick-named her smurf. This was due to what you call rapid descent. She shot down the birthing canal, so Blue or not, we did it. We were a family of four. Aaron and I make pretty rad kids!

I was excited to share this experience with Charla and Becky again and I could not be happier. I was off to my room to soak up the morning and anxiously awaited for Luella to meet her little sister.

Charla Blue captured the day..check out the amazing slide show below and her take on the day and more pictures of Grace and her Birth here.

{Ponytail} FINALLY

This will only happen once every two months and stay in for about 3 minutes. But how cute!

Monkey Time {Santa Ana Zoo)

Spending a last few days together as a family of three we headed off to a special day to see the Monkey at the Santa Ann Zoo. Luella learned to be a monkey herself, and told me "mom I am swinging like the Monkeys" on the playground!