Graces is now two-months olds and maternity Leave is weird...I definitely don't want to be at work, but this stay at home mom gig (even part time) is hard, but also fun, exhausting, amazing, and challenging. If you know me I am up for a good challenge, but not when it means you have six week old with a respiratory infection. A respiratory invention means potentially no breathing, which means potentially death. Grace got RSV and it was a mental challenge that I was not prepared for (I don't know who is) and although she didn't even come remotely close, the death of a child is the moment when your realize these children are not mine but Gods. See, this virus can kill newborns, and I have only heard scary stories from friend about this it. In fact my friend's daughter's prayer for Grace was, "Please don't let baby Grace die like I almost did?" In the midst of holding Grace for over 50 hours straight, I cried, I smiled at Luella, I pulled it together and tried to relax. Luella was amazing, especially since she is such an emotional creature, with being tough for the "famoly" (Lu's pronunciation). Maybe she realizes only one of us should melt at a time...ha!
(Sad sick baby eyes)
We got through it, Grace is a strong baby. In fact she rocks. I have been hesitant to say anything is fear of jinxing something, which I don't really think is possible, but just is case it is, I withheld. But here goes. She is a dream. She is the most content human being I have ever met. She smiles a lot, loves to sing, absorbs her world, peacefully drifts off into slumber and repeats.
She makes it super easy to continue to do fun things with Luella. And although, I haven't quite figured out how to cook, clean and shower daily, we did attempt to go to Disneyland, just the three of us. Luella is not much of a ride person, in fact, she asked to go home while we were on Small World. This trip I found out she would rather just people watch. So we decided to do this, while having a unicorn lollipop, and for $1.95 it is the best deal in the park. This is pretty much, my favorite memory of Disneyland...candy!
(Grace under the blanket, only documentation of her first trip to the big park...Luella's pre-Ride face - already not too sure...we ended the day with tacos)
We go to the park a lot. We can can walk there and are fortunate enough to live across the street form a 1 1/2 mile stretched of "green" with baseball fields, duck ponds and lots and lots of trees.
We have just discovered the joy of the Library...also in the park! Lulu is a proud library card holder.
(Giving me the "Don't take my picture mom" hand")
Finally, we have been dabbling in the arts too!
(She would rather paint herself, more often then the paper...Look at those feet and hands,just like her Papa's!)
I do love having two girls. I do believe they will be very different creatures. I do believe they will love each other. I do believe they will be determined and passionate. And if not, I do believe I will take on the challenge to show them how. Bring it world, the Volkoff girls have arrived.
I love my crazy 2 year. The past 5 months have been (insert so many different emotions here). It's moments like these that make everything right inside. She dressed herself like a tourist and we went driving in the car (red ottoman) to go shopping.
Luella is a passionate two year with a lot of rules, the best memory, a mind for learning, a vocabulary that is delivered liked a teenager, and the most thoughtful heart. Luella is a lot like her mama, she (we) need control. This works to our advantage until we have different ideas of the end result of any given situation like bed time, nap time, what's for lunch, where water goes, who's having the time out, if we are going to be inside or outside, going to the ice cream store, having sour candy, eating popsicles, who is suppose to be talking, where to look, how fast to run, how high to jump, what mountain to climb, pretty much every nuance of everyday life. At times we are like 2 junior high girls fighting...yes, I must say she brings out the best in me. But she does...the minute she says snuggle with me mom, is that better, what are you talking about, love you too mom, would you like cream in your coffee, what would you like to order, mom play with me, mom are your owies better, and baby grace is so cute she is laughing at me; and although it drives me crazy when she does this but she gets so close to Grace's face and smashes her crazy hair in the baby's eyes, because she just has to, because she loves her so much.
This brings me to love, which leads me to motherhood and then to sisterhood. Love is a weird thing. Loving two girls is so easy and so hard at the same. Mothering one child is physically hard, mother two children is emotionally hard. Luella had an intense instant love for Grace the first time she saw her, but I also felt like a little bit of her heart broke knowing it would never be just the two of us anymore. But she is tough, she put a smile on her face and did what she knows been, help. She put on the doctors gloves because she was going to make everything better.
Now I am sure these are all my emotions but I can feel it in Lu too. She misses me, but I so much miss her. I often have these strange feelings that I am cheating on Luella with Grace. I know it will never be the same for both of us and I know that it will be better then it could have been but for now it is hard. Luella is no longer the baby, in fact she is barely a toddler anymore, she has transformed in to truly a big girl...and boy does she love her sister. There is a strange calmness about the two of them when they touch and has been that way since the first time Grace sat on Luella's lap. They will unconditionally love each other forever. It is for this magic moment that I knew it would all be right, not easy, but right.
